By Jay Rosensweig,
Weekenddating.com a/k/a Long Island Speed Dating
What does the phrase "I will call you soon" mean when it comes to dating.
This was the topic of a story that came up at a prior
Long Island Singles Event
. To men, the killer words "You are a really nice guy", usually signals that the end is near.
From listening to the story at the event, apparently the phrase "I will call you soon" signals that the end is near for a woman. So the bottom line question raised was "Why does a man say he will call you when he has absolutely no intention of calling?"
We posed this question to our attendees and newsletter readers and here is what they said.
"I made the comment. I have such a hard time with this. It goes a little deeper. It has to do with ending a relationship or not continuing on with a rather new one after showing much interest. It is confusing and hurtful.
The single scene at 50 + is not easy. My advice to all of us is to use respect when ending a relationship. If it has been more than a couple dates or gotten fairly intimate on some level, do not just disappear. Do not say you will call and not follow through. It is very hurtful and makes us question ourselves. In reality it is probaby the one who doesn't have the courage to face the other person who has the problem, but at the time we do not feel or see that. We have all been hurt and will continue to hurt. We are all in this together, so be gentle and as truthful as possible. Treat someome as you would want to be treated. It just makes us more defensive otherwise. None of us has gotten to this stage without some rejecton or relationship isssue. Many of us try hard to put that behind us. Not many people try real hard today and many walk away very easily without looking back.
So I hope things continue to go well for me and for all of you. But if not, end things with decency even if it is not a long, time committed relationship"
Anonymous said...
I think some men use that statement because they feel that is what a woman wants to hear. Well guys, we don't if you don't mean it. Even worse is the timed "I'll call you tomorrow night at 8". So, now you sit and wait for a call that never comes and he wasted your time. We can tell when a meet or date didn't go well. So there are times we ladies get the old "I'll give you a call" and we are saying in our heads "no you won't, and I don't want you to either!" LOL
What it comes down to is respect. Have respect not only for the other persons time, but their feelings. I will let a man know if I just see us as friends ,or ,if I disliked him, I still try and say in a nice way that I don't think there is a match and I wish him luck on his search. It's not that hard and everyone knows where they stand.
At 5:13 PM, Anonymous said...
To me, that comment would mean "I cannot decide now if I'm relly interested, lets give it time" it means "may be I call you but don't hold your breath" Other ideas?
At 5:39 PM, Anonymous said...
who knows. I don't waste my time wondering shy. I move on. If someone is interested he or she will call.
At 5:25 PM, Anonymous said...
Don't worrry not many women hold there breath for men today just becuaseof this type of attitude. Not worth it. Get some spunk and start pursuing. You may be surprised.
At 5:25 PM, Anonymous said...
Don't worrry not many women hold there breath for men today just because of this type of attitude. Not worth it. Get some spunk and start pursuing. You may be surprised.
At 5:27 PM, Anonymous said...
I will call you means I will call you and if they do not it is a lie.
As far as ending a longer term relationship with no explanation , that is just cowardly and rude. We are all in this together. Let's use respect. Most of what we learned, we learned in kindergarten. Put it to use now. Many men seem to just be able to walk away and go to the next one.
At 5:27 PM, Anonymous said...
I will call you means I will call you and if they do not it is a lie.
As far as ending a longer term relationship with no explanation , that is just cowardly and rude. We are all in this together. Let's use respect. Most of what we learned, we learned in kindergarten. Put it to use now. Many men seem to just be able to walk away and go to the next one.
At 3:43 PM, Anonymous said...
It's about control and it stinks.
At 6:41 PM, Mary said...
You will never hear from me again... EVER
At 6:54 PM, Nisa said...
maybe ladies can take it like that job interviews, where they might say they'll call if you get the job. if it's not meant to be, ladies shouldn't bother & just move on i guess.
If you ask me, I think at least maybe the ladies can look on the positive side & order the best food. So whatever happens -- at least she have a paid-for great meal. (& yes i believe the guy should pay, that's not a crime...) :)
P.S. honestly I really don't do this kind of dating, I'd prefer a more subtle traditional way.
At 8:44 AM, Anonymous said...
I basically agree with all except the last post.....Men are a totally different breed than us women. They say things, but don't really mean them.....they do not think with their head on top of their bodies which is very sad, especially men over 50..you would think by the time they reach 50 and over, they would learn, but all they are is little boys in big bodies........I am beginning to really believe that if it's mean't for me to meet a normal man, I will, be it the grocery store, in the mall, at a club, etc., and if I don't meet that wonderful man, that's okay too....for I am happy with myself first.......he, whomever he might be, cannot make me happy for myself, only I can do that.....so if it's mean't that there's no man, so be it...Remember ladies, "It's better to wake up alone, then next to someone feeling lonely."
At 11:37 AM, Anonymous said...
What is with this "us" and "them" mentality? Be true to who you are, and talk to everyone you meet! For all you know, the person next to you at the bar, who happens to be the same gender as you, might have a co-worker, friend, or cousin that would be a perfect match for you! Regarding "I'll call you soon" - don't ask for a number you aren't going to use, and don't give a fake one if you don't want the call. Both scenarios are disrespectful, and no one deserves that.
At 12:54 PM, Anonymous said...
MEN LIE! that is the bottom line ... maybe because they are cowards and don't like confrontation .(like a woman would be crushed if he said ' you are not my type'!_ . the man should understand that more important thinking is a woman who would rather get on with it, than think .. maybe he will call!! and then get to the reality of it .. that he lied, and he is NEVER going to call .. look at all the time the man has caused you to lose! I would rather know 'up front' if he is or isn't going to call . and if he says he is going to .. then he MUST do it .. don't leave me hanging!
At 8:14 PM, Anonymous said...
I find it is just a difficult to say no thank you to a second date. Women are often "put on the spot" and there are "phrases" that women use like men use "I'll call you"-
Each is intended to avoid conflict and hurt feelings. The truth is, that after a first date, it is difficult to "manufacture" enthusiasm if the connection is just not there. "I'll call you" has become a time honored tradition- a way to "end" it without confrontation.
At 3:03 PM, JWA said...
In my opinion I see a lot of woman who go to these speeddating events and either(A)have no clue as to what qualities their looking for in a mate and(B)they the woman do not contact the guy/guys that they matched up with.Please do not go to an event if you are not serious about meeting someone.
At 8:45 AM, Anonymous said...
Most men are cowards, so they lie. At 50 years old I'm sorry to say that I can count 2 men I know that haven't lied.
At 12:55 PM, Anonymous said...
At a speeddating event I met a great young lady and we talked for about 45 minutes.After awhile she needed to leave and I gave her my card with contact info.She said she would call but not so far.
woman should never say they will call when they have no intention of calling. JWA
At 1:48 PM, WAJ said...
I met a young lady at a "mingle" party and I thought we hit it off well.We spoke for about 35 minutes and she seemed to have enjoyed my company.When I gave her my card with contact inf she said she would call but she didn't.I happens to the men as well.Call when you say you will.To me it's the only decent thing to do.
At 7:34 AM, Anonymous said...
I think the bottom line here is that women prefer honesty and men do not like confrontation. I would much rather hear the truth, even if it is hurtful, than to be lied to. I dated a guy that lied to his friend one night to take me out and he told me about it. he said he didn't want to hurt his friend's feeings by not going out with him, so he thought it was just easier to lie. That always stuck in my mind that he lied and had no qualms telling me. I started to distrust him and think that he probably lied to me to go out with his friends, when we agreed to have an upfront and open relationship. Well, guess what, i do not date him anymore! I think the biggest issue with women trusting men is the lying. Men just don't get it - if they were honest more often, women would be more receptive to them.
At 3:14 AM, Anonymous said...
What do guys say at the end of a first date, if they really do have intensions of calling? What wording is used or is it the same thing: "I'll call you?" Please post your comments, men. I believe that men jump the gun, and don't take the time to get to know someone. It takes at least two dates to feel comfortable, sometimes, and be myself. I can be shy on the first meeting and it takes a little time to open up to show the real me. That can happen once I feel comfortable with the guy and then my guard comes down. Tell me guys, why are you so quick to judge? I think you should give things more of a chance as opposed to deciding w/in the first ten minutes if you like someone or not. Please leave your comments below. But, don't worry, I'm not holding my breathe. LOL
At 6:51 PM, Anonymous said...
Well, I did this to woman not too long ago, becauseI had left her a message asking if she wanted to go do something... she never returned my call... she left me hanging. So, I emailed her and said I'd call her at the end of the week. I left her hanging too. She started it. So.. to all you women, touche.
At 12:22 AM, Paul J. Harris said...
I think it is simple. If I tell a woman/girl, "I will call you soon," it means that I am not interested. If I were to say, "When is a good time to call or I will call you tomorrow [at a certain time]," then I am going to make the call. There sure have been times when I did not call her anyway and I think it is one way to show lack of interest. It may not be the "MAN" thing to do, but why hurt her feelings in person by saying something less. That is up to the individual.
Please add your comments here