You just got engaged, congratulations! As you and you and your fiancé begin to dive into the wedding planning process, the first thing that comes to mind is well, whom do I invite? Do I invite my mom’s cousins? But wait does that mean I have to invite all of my dad’s cousins too? Before you even write a single name down on a guest list, the first thing to do is give yourself a number. This is the number of people you ideally would like at your wedding. The next thing to do would be to give yourself a second, but strict, number. This is the number that is an absolute cut off, no if ands or buts. That first number is the ideal, but you know that you will never be able to get that exact number. The second number is to give yourself some breathing room, but also some structure to put an end to the madness
Everyone knows that the people who you invite to your wedding are not necessarily the people you really want to be there. It can become very political, with different family members pushing you to invite certain others, your parents wanting to invite their work buddies, your siblings wanting their friends there so they won’t be bored. When you make your initial list, the only people who should be there are you and your fiancé. Write down all of the essentials, the people who you would be devastated about if they couldn’t make your wedding. This includes friends since they will be the first that your family asks you to cut out in order to make room for more family. Friends are the most important people so make sure that your entire close circle makes it onto that list. But then this also leads to the question, how many friends? If you invite one friend from college do you have to invite all of them? The safest thing to do would to give yourself a third of the total number as your friends number initially. This can be raised or lessened as you continue to perfect your list. Use common sense when it comes to picking your friends and definitely don’t extend a pity invite. If you don’t want a certain friend there then leave it at that. It’s your big day, don’t feel bad if you can’t squeeze that one person who your kind of friends with in.
Family becomes the bigger issue when it comes to creating a guest list. After you’ve made your list of essentials, open it up to the floor. Call your family who’s input you value together and show them the list you have so far. Tell them your ideal numbers and your absolute numbers and basically tell them to divvy amongst themselves. Theres a better chance your parents are going to know who best to invite from your extended family and your siblings can make their arguments for friends. Go grab lunch or some coffee while they are doing this and relax. There’s no need for you to be stressed over whom your family wants to invite. When you come back ask to look over the list and veto, as you’d like. If everything looks good then congratulations theres your wedding guest list! If you have extra room then maybe you can add another table for friends or go revisit people that you left off the list before.
The last problem you might encounter when it comes to the guest list would be disagreements between you and your fiancé. The best example of this would be the ex question. You may be on very great terms with one of your exes and have no romantic feelings towards him or her whatsoever. He may even be married and have a family of his own by now. But if your fiancé is uncomfortable with it, they have to go. This should be a decision that you make together and that you both feel good about. If your fiancé is on friendly terms with your ex as well though, then you should be in the clear. As long as there isn’t awkwardness and you both have laid your feelings on the table, then you are good to go. Also remember that you can invite people for the reception only, not everyone has to come to the ceremony!
